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The Stafford County Sheriff's Department nails both.
Just read the release penned Thursday, July 26, about a Walmart thief who swiped seafood.
They call it, "Salty Shellfish Swindler Spotted."
"We aren’t fishing for compliments on this release, but it might leave you crab-solutely hungry. One suspect seas food and steals food in a not so well-done surf and grab."
Then there's this one: Justin Timbersnake.
"A hissterical caller in a North Stafford neighborhood reported a 10 foot long trespasser trying to gain access to her home at 3:15 p.m. today. It was obviously a false report, snakes must be measured in inches, they don’t have feet.
"Never fear, Deputy K.L. Busch was on the case! She arrived to find the (h)armless black snake we have affectionately named Justin Timbersnake. While most would re-coil from the sight, Deputy Busch moved in to encourage the cold blooded intruder to scale the wall in the other direction.
"Justin Timbersnake was last seen slithering back into the woods. Fangtastic work Deputy Busch!"
The department does not make light of serious crimes or heavy situations. Seems as though the jokes are made only when deserved.
Major Shawn Kimmitz and Public Information Officer Ryan Wilbur take credit for the punny posts.
"Major Kimmitz and I are fans of puns, so we attempt to add a bit of humor to our releases when appropriate," Wilbur said.
"We are thankful that the community always responds in a positive manner towards our humor, and sometimes even joins in on the fun. While the main focus of our releases is to inform the public on recent events, if we can do so by putting a smile on the readers' faces, that would be preferred."
No crime in a good rhyme.
Scroll through the department's Facebook page for more of the author's brilliant news-writing.
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